Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
