we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
