Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
