Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
