He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
