He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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