standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
