im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So squirting runs in the family.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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