just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You are the jesus of drinking
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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