i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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