it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
