mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
