i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he fucked my hip out of place.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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