so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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