so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
