It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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