how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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