Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
