hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
