Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
