bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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