I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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