I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
