it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
