sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
