My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my shit smells like andre
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
