I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
