When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
