The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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