She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
