i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
