i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize