____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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