We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
