I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
