btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
