Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
