he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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