it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
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if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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