So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
