By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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