Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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