It was confusing and full of hummus
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
