Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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