why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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