Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
