Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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