shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
