Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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