Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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