Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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