just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You're a waste of cheezeits
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
