Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think my moral compass just broke
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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