I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
