i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
