I think my fart just growled at me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
