Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
