Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
