that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
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I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
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You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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