And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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