I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
