Small penises have feelings too.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
