I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Randomize
