i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
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I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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