Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
