my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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