Me. At least after what I've been through.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
