they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
