Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
