he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Michael Bay diarrhea
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
